Wearing the Bam Shirt at B.A.M.
The Brooklyn Academy of Music is an institution. At over 150 years old, it’s the oldest performing arts center in the US and has been challenging audiences with artistic programming the entire time. Currently, you can catch an art house flick at the in house movie theater, see an opera, enjoy a cutting edge hip-hop presentation, or view any number of other culturally important events that the venue plays host to throughout the year. So, now for the big question: what would one wear to an event at such a prestigious venue? I’m thinking round spectacles (the eyewear choice of the academic erudite), a turtleneck with a corduroy shirt—like this Bam shirt from AKOG—tucked into some tweed pants, and some white on white Nike uptowns. It’s a look for the sophisticated but still a low key head. Like, I can discuss the finer points of today’s current art scene while breaking down the genius of Young Thug and Blackstar at the same time.
How Many Teddy Bears Had to Die to Make that Coat?
I know I’ve made more than one joke about how certain fabrics feel like Teddy Bears on this site before. But, that’s only because we have a lot of plush, Teddy Bear-like fabrics in the shop. Can I help it that I want to be mad cozy while not wanting to fully let go of my childhood? But, yo, this time I can’t help but drop the teddy-bear reference, cause my dudes at AKOG went straight to the OG Teddy Bear source in Germany—Steiff®. Steiff® is an old AF German company that in 1902, after years of making plush elephants and other toys, created and manufactured the first Teddy Bear. The Bug Parka’s outer layer is made from a water resistant wool/cotton fabric, which is pretty dope on its own. But, it’s the removable liner that’s got me ranting here. It’s 100% wool produced by Steiff® in Germany. So basically, when I say something corny like, “how many Teddy Bears had to die to make that coat?” at least it’ll be appropriate.
“What’s Crackin’ Pimpin’?”
In a past life I was part of a hip-hop collective in Brooklyn, MCing and producing beats. Every Monday, my crew would link up and head over to Sin Sin in the East Village for Freestyle Mondays, where some of the best MC’s in the city would all take turns freestyling with one of the illest live bands around. We used to joke that it was “the gym” for us, cause it’s where we could go to practice our craft and perfect our skills. Honestly, it was like a family there. Some of the best verses I’ve ever heard were spit by legends of the NYC underground in that very spot. The first Monday of the month was reserved for “The Off the Head Game Show,” a head-to-head freestyle MC competition with unique rounds. The only consistent rule was that you couldn’t spit any writtens. There’s actually still footage of me floating around the deepest corners of the Internet (I’m not giving it up—if you’re interested, you can find it.) filmed on a flip phone (like I said, in a past life) battling a relatively well-known and road tested battle MC. We go at each other as these things tend to go, the crowd chants my crew’s name over and over, and eventually, when the smoke clears, I walk away with the W. It’s a pretty proud moment for me and the squad. Anyway, I bring this up, because I felt like bragging, but also because the guy I battled had a track out at the time called, “What’s Crackin’ Pimpin’?” which I feel like would be an entirely appropriate way to greet me if you saw me in the street rocking this fire coat from AKOG. And the only response I’d have would be, “Coolin’ man.” I miss those days.
Eddie Bauer Edition
I’m catching some serious Eddie Bauer vibes off these pants. Eddie Bauer is another heritage American company with a long history of blah, blah, blah. Most importantly, Eddie Bauer was a brand in the early 90’s that represented a kind of cozy, khaki luxury that was all the rage at the time. Around the same time (say 1991) rappers got really into SUVs. Some dudes rode in Pathfinders, others were more into Jeeps, but the real flex was the Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer Edition. See, you had your base XL, then the XLS Sport, and ultimately, the top tier, cream colored luxury model with the Eddie Bauer cosign. That car was basically the motor vehicle equivalent of these cords: kinda rugged, but mostly lux and leaning heavily on 90’s prep colorways.
We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Patches
I know my image as a really, really cool macho guy is gonna take a hit here, but when I was a kid I really liked the movie, Troop Beverly Hills. I know, I know. Laugh it up. Whatever, I thought it was mad funny. I mean, had I never seen it, I wouldn’t know how to do the Freddy. And then where would I be? Also, I had a little bit of a crush on a certain young, red-haired Jenny Lewis, who grew up to be a much sexier Jenny Lewis and lead singer for, Rilo Kiley (her indie band with the dude from Salute Your Shorts). Anyway, I’m not gonna bore you with too many plot details, but basically a rag-tag group of privileged Beverly Hills girl scouts have to prove themselves and compete with a much more rugged, militaristically inclined girl scout troop. And, since we’re talking girl scouts and I can’t resist a terrible joke, I’ll always remember the scene where the housekeeper who winds up helping the troop says, “Patches? Patches? We don’t need no stinkin’ patches.” Thing is, as funny as I thought that was when I was a kid (ok, I still chuckle), I can’t get behind the sentiment because I’m a sucker for Boro and Sashiko stitching. And, this jacket is replete with examples of both. So, maybe I don’t necessarily need no stinkin’ patches, but I sure want them.
If Steve Jobs Made Vases
If Steve Jobs had made ceramics instead of computers I imagine he’d have worn this turtleneck. It has all the things Steve Jobs liked in a shirt: sleeves, elasticity, and a high neck. But, instead of the cold and calculating black he was known for wearing while reinventing the entire home computing tech world and generally being a badass iconoclast, this one is a beautiful shade of blue. I suppose that if one of his many acid trips had taken a different direction—and he wound up hand throwing pottery at a commune in the bay area instead of you know, creating the iPhone—he may never have adopted the idea of a daily uniform. But, I like to think that good ol’ Steve was so fond of turtlenecks that, regardless of where the drugs led him, he would have found his way to some version of turtleneck eventually. I mean, after all, what’s a man without his convictions?
I’m Not Gonna Let an Article of Clothing Tell Me What I Can or Cannot Do
I really dig these Gardener pants, but I have no patience for gardening. In my head, I totally aspire to be the kind of guy who can spend hours working in a perfectly curated garden, pruning bushes, shaping leaves, and maybe even growing some herbs and vegetables. Basically, I fantasize about being able to escape my stress. In reality, I’m way too high strung to allow myself the blissful meditation that one achieves through repetitive mindful work. I’m pretty sure the very act of just trying to relax stresses me out. You know what? I’m still gonna rock these pants, because I want to. I’m not gonna let an article of clothing tell me what I can or cannot do. Taking control back from my pants may not let me achieve a state of pure Zen, but it will make me happy. And, I suppose that’s something.
New Age Vibes and the Trappings of Modern Life
I want to be all New Agey without all the associated cornball-ness. I’m totally down with flowy clothes and a sense of inner peace, but I’m not into crystals or Enya. I’m also not into all the hard self-work that goes into achieving enlightenment—I’m way too busy for that. That’s where this shirt fits in; I feel like I could wear it while attempting to practice deep transcendental meditation only to get distracted and give up after 30 seconds cause my phone keeps buzzing and I really want to see how many likes my latest Instagram post has gotten. Eh, I’ll deal with it all at acupuncture next week, which reminds me, I gotta make an appointment.
blurhms Got You Covered
Congratulations. You’ve made it. You’re an adult. Time to ditch the kiddie clothes and start wearing a three-piece suit every day. Wait, what’s that you say? You live in the 21st century and you don’t have to wear a suit? Okay, fine. Let’s compromise. You can still wear your favorite hoodie as long as it’s made from a beautiful loopwheeled fabric, is clean and simple, and has insane levels of attention to detail. Oh, you don’t own a hoodie like that? No worries, blurhms got you covered.
Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks
Were you a teenager in the 90’s like me? Cause if you were, then you almost certainly wore a waffle thermal under a black t-shirt at least once in your life. And, if you didn’t, then I’m not really sure what you did with your teenage years, but it certainly didn’t involve skateboards, loud music, or teen angst. Anyway, a lot of the style rules and habits we develop as adults are informed by our adolescence, which means I’ve been predisposed to thinking that waffle thermals should only be worn layered under other clothing. Yet, this thermal overneck from blurhms makes me rethink my whole stance. Maybe it’s the neck detail or, perhaps, it’s the extra-smooth fabric, but I would totally rock this shirt as a top layer with some ripped denim and chelsea boots on a 60 degree fall day. I guess, what I’m saying is, you can teach an old dog new tricks.
One Pant, Two Settings
It’s not every day that I need to go from bucolic simplicity to urban sophistication. Like, how often do I find myself sitting in a beautiful pastoral landscape, contemplating the passage of time when I look at my watch and realize, shit, I need to get to a meeting in the big city? Not often, but it could happen. And, on the rare occasion I do find myself in this situation, I’d like to be wearing these pants from Eidos. The loosely textured weave and hand-dyed indigo appearance of the fabric is perfect for those lackadaisical rustic moments, while the pleats created when the waistband is tied just so signify a sense of erudite refinement appropriate for the most metropolitan moments. Cause who has time to change their pants when they’re running late?
Nicer Than It’s Stereotypical 90’s Counterpart
Sometimes a rollneck and a turtleneck are the same thing. Sometimes they are different. This my friends, is a rollneck in the purest sense. It’s the kind of rollneck that soccer-playing suburban kids with floppy hair and Sambas would wear in the 90’s. It’s the kind of rollneck that their girlfriends would borrow and wear all oversized while looking completely out of my league. It’s also the kind of rollneck that’s part cashmere, with amazing cuff and hem details, and knit from beautiful multicolor flecked yarn. So, actually, I take it back: this isn’t the kind of sweater that 90’s preppy stereotypes would wear—it’s way nicer.
My Beautiful Autumnal Twisted Fantasy
If there was a dress code for apple picking and pumpkin patching (Is that right? Eh, who cares?), an ill cable knit jumper would certainly be part of it. Frankly, a chunky sweater should be de rigueur for any of your family-friendly outdoor activities this fall and, it just so happens, this one from Eidos is perfect for such events. Personally, I’d wear the sweater with some light wash denim and a pair of soft suede rubber-soled boots, kind of like the ones here from Christian Kimber x Eidos (#cross-sell); it’s the kind of look that says I went to a New England prep school and my family has money, but I’d rather spend my time rolling joints, reading dog-eared novels, and hand-picking fruits and gourds on crisp October afternoons. Ultimately, you can wear the sweater with whatever you want—this may be my autumnal fantasy, but you’re the one buying it.
Wilson Fisk is an Angry, Wide Man
Netflix’s Daredevil series is wild violent. So much blood. So many swords. And then the Punisher shows up. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining. The show is dope and ads a nice noir contrast to the otherwise hyper-saturated world of the big screen Marvel cinematic universe. For me, the dopest character though has got to be the sociopathic, misguided crime boss, Wilson Fisk, portrayed perfectly by Vincent D’Onofrio (of Full Metal Jacket, Ed Wood, and most importantly, the J-Lo and Vince Vaughn sci-fi thriller, The Cell fame). One of Fisk’s defining characteristics beyond his boiling temper and sheer strength is that he is quite a wide gentleman. And, seeing as this Eidos sweatshirt is called the Fisk Wide Crewneck, it would be entirely fitting to wear while curled up on your couch for a Daredevil Netflix marathon, rooting for the bad guy to win.
A Starter Cape
I don’t know about you, but I like to think of myself as someone who is very independent and doesn’t conform to trends. Not unlike a certain lawyer, portrayed by Larry David from an episode of a little known 90’s sitcom called, Seinfeld. Like said lawyer, I would demonstrate my lack of conformity by wearing a cape. But, where does one buy a cape? What exactly is good cape weather? And, simply, why a cape? See, if you’re wearing a cape, people are bound to ask questions. So maybe a cape is a bit too over the top for you. Not everyone shares my sense of fearless individuality. Fine. You’ll just have to settle for this EG shawl. It’s kind of like a cape, but will probably elicit only half the questions that wearing a full-on cape would. Think of it as your starter cape. Jerry might not say “hello” to you—he and Elaine can be quite supercilious—but when Noreen needs you, you’ll still be there.
I Like to Dress Like a Pregnant Woman
Right now my wife is pregnant. And, whereas some women like to wear the tightest clothes they can find to show off their baby bumps, my wife prefers to wear looser fitting, non-maternity pieces that effortlessly limit the attention on her midsection. One of the things she’s being getting into has been wraps and ponchos. The loose, draped fabrics look stylish and chic, while offering comfort and concealment. I don’t know if it’s all the shopping we’ve done together this fall or what, but I’m really feeling ponchos this season; this one from Grei is technically unisex, but we’re selling it at a men’s store (although frankly, the concept of gender binaries is nothing more than an outdated social construct—but that’s a whole other topic), making it completely appropriate for a man to wear. I don’t know, maybe it’s the sympathy pains or maybe it’s just my taste, but I really think I want to start dressing like a hip, pregnant woman.
Fuzzy Navel
There’s a lot of really terrible (and by terrible I mean amazing) cocktail names out there. There’s Sex on the Beach—a perennial favorite. Then you have the ol’ Slippery Nipple—a delicious creamy concoction. But my favorite name has got to be the Fuzzy Navel. While slightly less carnal than the former two mentioned, it’s every bit as weird if not more so. I mean, it’s essentially a drink named after a snail trail. And whereas your actual navel may indeed be fuzzy, the cocktail itself is ironically, fuzz free (although peaches are fuzzy and the drink is made with peach schnapps—whatever, I’m overthinking this). Hey, you know what is undisputedly fuzzy? This coat. It’s so so, so, so, so, so fuzzy. It also happens to be beautifully constructed in Italy and really good looking. But, man, is it fuzzy.
It’s Not Easy Being Green on Tinder
Yo, this whole modern dating thing has me completely baffled. Not that I’m partaking in it in any way—I mean, I’ve been with the same loving (and extremely patient) woman for almost 12 years now. But man, I see all these dudes on Tinder and Raya making constant moves, and it just blows my mind. For some reason, I keep imagining a modern The Muppet Movie where Kermit and Miss Piggy initially swipe right on each other and link, but then the bad guy, played by a relatively handsome Hollywood star, maybe Idris Elba, would also be trying to slide in Miss Piggy’s DM. In order to appeal to her, he would wear this coat, cause we all know Piggy’s got a need for some fuzzy green. She’d find out that his intentions are actually not to hook up with her, but to use her to stop the Muppets from putting on their big show and remembering the power of friendship. Piggy would come through with the big “Hiiiii Ya!” and karate chop dude in the neck before realizing that it was Kermit she loved all along. Somehow, it would all lead to a big, lavish stage number that included all your favorite Muppets, from Lou Zealand and his boomerang fish to Sweetums. Like I’ve said in the past, Jim Henson is my hero.
Zen and the Art of Patchwork Dress Shirts
The older I get, the more I realize that everything in life requires balance. I mean, to some degree, I’ve always known that, but as you get older it becomes more evident because you can’t compensate as much. And, I’m not just referring to the idea that if I eat a bunch pizza and drink a gallon of beer, I’ll be ok if the next day if I only eat salad and walk everywhere. I’m talking real, centered, transcendental, meditative, hot-cold, yin-yang balance. If you start inward first, then you can find balance in all the external aspects of your life more naturally. For example: when you’re young you want to just flex in all the hottest jawnz and hyped drops all at once. But, as you get older, you mitigate—wear a few timeless stunt pieces, maybe one new flex, and a couple of understated things to anchor your whole vibe. That’s where this this Patchwork Dress Shirt from Longjourney comes in. It’s a patchwork, corduroy dress shirt. It literally finds the balance between casual shabbiness and formal dress. It’s Zen and harmony in the form of a beige top.
Walk Like a Champion
Have I ever told you how much I like Dancehall? Also, have I ever talked about how much I like 90’s NYC hip-hop? I have? Oh well—‘cause here we go again. This sweatshirt is made of vintage Champion sweatshirts, which is dope because Champion sweatshirts were a staple of early 90’s NYC hip-hop. Can you think of anything more rugged than a thick bubble vest over a champion hoodie, with some massive jeans and tall Timbs? So gully. Also, the word, “champion” makes me think of Buju Banton’s hit, “Walk Like a Champion,” which came out in ’95, so right at the tail end of the rugged NYC hip-hop days and at the dawn of the Jiggy (or Bling) era. It also represented a wave of Dancehall that hit in the US and was distinct in that it was more rap influenced than the earlier sounds by acts such as Chaka Demus and Pliers, but more grounded and soulful than Sean Paul and Dancehall of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. Anyway, this sweatshirt is fire.
Feel Like Pablo
Picasso was a really, really well known artist who was integral in propagating things like cubism and striped shirts. He was also apparently a passionate, angry, lothario who surrounded himself with beautiful women and wine—so, a stereotypical artist. I imagine our buddy, Pablo at one point or another was possibly surrounded by a cabal of attractive women, drunkenly wrestling with them and making love in between painting their odd, angular portraits in some sort of Dionysian romp when someone knocked over all the blue paint. What if one of Picasso’s lovely muses accidentally sat in the paint before hopping on Picasso’s shoulders for a chicken fight. And, that my friends is how you get indigo back pocket prints on your shoulders. Ok, OK OK, I can say with 100% certainty that that has nothing at all to do with how Longjourney made this cardigan, constructed entirely from vintage Levis, but it’s a good story, right?
Mind Readers
I don’t wear blazers as often as I once did and so it would stand to reason that I wouldn’t keep buying them. But, that’s where you’re wrong. I bought this very blazer and gosh darn it, I intend to wear it. To hell with fiscal responsibility and logic. I mean, for Pete’s sake: it’s indigo, patchwork, and corduroy. It was practically made for me. Like, if Longjourney asked me what I wanted from a modern blazer I’d probably reply, “Can it be a patchwork, corduroy, and indigo? Something vaguely Japanese, but a little hippie-ish, with a dash of 70’s rock-n-roll? Something I could wear as easily over a chunky turtleneck as I could over a vintage band T? Could you make that for me?” It’s as if they read my mind.
This Hoodie is Not a Bowl of Fruit
I’m tired of wearing clothes that “fit.” Like, first off, rules are stupid. I mean sure, they help guide you and stuff and at times are the difference between living a free life and going to jail, but when it comes to clothing, they are mad overrated. Secondly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and just because someone once said shoulder seams should land on your shoulder when talking about a sport coat doesn’t mean this hoodie with the crazy dropped shoulders and billowy sleeves isn’t absolutely stunning. Proportions are meant to be messed with. Straight up. It’s what makes things visually interesting. For example, anyone who takes enough sketching classes and art lessons can basically grasp fundamental perspective and proportions, drawing relatively decent depictions of bowls of fruit or the human body. That’s not art. But, when you start warping, exaggerating, and manipulating these things for effect is when the mundane becomes imbued with dynamism and you begin to create art. That’s why this N. Hoolywood hoodie is so dope. While most hoodies are a still life bowl of fruit from sketching 101, this hoodie is a Picasso painting of a person who has one giant eye and a nose sticking out the side of their face.
Physics, My Dude. Physics.
Physics is cool cause it explains pretty much everything. Why does an apple fall from a tree? Physics. How do planes fly? Physics. How far away is the nearest star? Physics. That’s why so many smart people gravitate (facepalm) towards it. When Einstein dropped real science it was physics. When Hawking flexed on black holes it was physics, too. And, when Newton said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, he was spitting pure physics. See, physics, specifically Newton’s third law (which I just mentioned), can explain the existence of these insanely dope N. Hoolywood Track Pants. Basically, these luxe, comfy, stretchy, athletic-inspired pants can be seen as an opposite reaction to the tight, rigid, confining jeans you’ve been wearing every day for the last few years. So, when people ask you why you’re wearing track pants with your blazer and boots, you can just say, “Physics, my dude. Physics.”
- Noah
A Really Nice Pair of Slacks
Brick Tamland seems like a swell guy. The lovable character from Anchorman with the IQ of a whopping 48 gets included in all his coworker’s adventures even though he may not mentally be up for all the challenges and might accidentally kill someone with a trident. In his own words, people seem to like him because he’s “polite” and he is “rarely late.” He also “likes to eat ice cream” and “enjoys a really nice pair of slacks.” Well, guess what, Brick? I enjoy a really nice pair of slacks, too. That’s why I mess so heavily with these N. Hoolywood charcoal slim pants. They just fit and feel so great. They’re just a really, really nice pair of slacks.
Best of Both Worlds
I have a problem that’s pretty specific to me. Basically, when I look through my closet for a nice, classic shirt that still feels “like me” (whatever that means), I can’t actually find one. I have a bunch of band collared shirts, some long tunics, a few beautiful over-shirts, a smattering of dress shirts, and my favorite heavy EG flannel from like a decade ago, but very few classic sport shirts anymore. Most of the time I’m down to truly stand out, but every now and again, I have to look like my approximation of how most people dress every day. I’m not saying I have to be boring or mundane, but let’s say I have to go to court in the morning and then head to a fashion event in the evening. I need a shirt conservative enough for the former, but special enough for the latter. That’s why I love this N. Hoolywood plaid shirt. At first glance, it’s a classic plaid sport shirt, but upon closer inspection it has a unique texture and look because of its rayon, lyocell, and wool blend. Like Jay-Z and R. Kelly, it’s the best of both worlds (sorry I took it there).
Retro Future
Futuristic blue-green mock neck sweaters are so my wave right now. Especially ones with super futuristic piping, color-blocking, and materials. There’s something inherently 60’s feeling about pieces like this one, which is weird, because the 60’s are in the past, but, at the same time, were all about looking towards space and the future. Like, I could totally see myself wearing this sweater in a room lit by lava lamps when the clean, white, sliding door panel whooshes open and I spin around in my egg chair to see a foxy lady in go-go boots and a miniskirt. So yeah, I’m gonna end this here (and let it continue in my mind), but rest assured, I was looking extra futuristic fresh wearing this mock neck sweater in my weird little fantasy.
Things in Life That Can Be Extra Long
Some things in life should not be extra-long: elementary school theater productions, root canal surgery, trans-continental flights sitting in coach, and back hair—just to name a few. You know what can be extra-long though? (No, not that. Get your mind out of the gutter.) This shirt. This shirt can be extra-long. And, it is. Just look at it. See the way it gracefully grazes your leg right above the knees—the way it sways back and forth while you walk? It’s so long that it’s basically a long sleeve thermal t-shirt with pockets—or a shift dress, depending on how you look at it. Frankly, I don’t care how you look at it, because it’s extra-long and extra-dope and I really like it. And, after all, if I’m the one wearing it (and I definitely will be), then it’s my opinion that matters most.
Even Ninjas Need Days Off
I’m not a ninja, but if I was, I would totally buy this shirt. I mean, being a ninja is basically a full time job I assume, but even ninjas need days off. That’s why this hoodie would be so perfect. It’s the kind of hoodie a ninja could wear while low key kicking it on the weekend when trouble starts a-brewin’ and he (or she) has to jump into action. The ninja wouldn’t even have to change tops—just pull up the hood with the high neck, grab his shuriken and nunchucks, and go fight the evil Shogun. It’s the one garment a ninja can own that’s comfortable enough to go grab drinks in, but is also appropriate for work. It’s basically the ninja equivalent of soft topcoat—the kind you can wear with a suit or with jeans and sneakers—only way more ninja-y.
Sweaty Forearms
Do you suffer from really sweaty forearms? Do you find yourself shivering to your core, but still always push up the sleeves to your sweatshirt? You’re not alone. N. Hoolywood has the answer for you. With this fleece t-shirt you can swaddle your torso, chest, and shoulders in some of the warmest fibers man has ever developed all the while letting your forearms receive the cooling airflow they so desperately need. What’s that? You love the feel of this cozy T, but don’t suffer from unusually warm extremities? Have no fear. Simply, by wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, thermal, or turtleneck as a base layer, the N. Hoolywood Fleece T-Shirt converts from its short-sleeved cooling mode to a long-sleeve version that offers wintertime comfort to people of all body temperatures. Regardless of how clammy your upper half’s limbs tend to get, N. Hoolywood has the t-shirt for you. Act now to get yours today.
Oh Snap!
In case you can’t tell, I still use a lot of slang from my youth, specifically my middle school days. Word, dope, fresh, ill, G, and so on all started in the early 90’s and I still say them semi-regularly. That being said, there are definitely some expressions that I left back in 6th grade. I had a friend (actually, we’re still friends—pretty amazing when you realize we met almost 27 years ago, but I digress) who used to say, “Oh snap!” so often that people started just calling him, “Snap.” Even some of the cooler teachers (we had this one gym teacher who always had the dopest new Jordans and Pumps—this was 1990 after all—and who we all liked so much that she even came to a bunch of our Bar Mitzvahs) would call him Snap. Anyway, Snap grew up to have a job on the radio and, occasionally, I get to listen to him. The other day, he totally said, “Oh snap!” on the air and I couldn’t help but laugh. Oh, and if you’re wondering where I’m heading with this, among all the unique and fresh details on this N. Hoolywood shirt the one that stands out to me is the snaps at the end of the open sleeve, which basically form cuffs when snapped closed.
Dopeness Simply Transcends
Sometimes a piece is special because of its unique functionality. Sometimes it’s more about one functional detail. Other times a piece stands out because of cut or fabric. This sweatshirt is unique because of the interesting seem details. Are they functional? No. Is the fabric special? Sort of—the details are made from a cool tencel/poly blend, but overall, it just feels like a really nice sweatshirt with 3D seems. What I’m saying is, the details and uniqueness of this sweatshirt are completely superfluous and aesthetic. And you know what? Sometimes that’s ok, because sometimes we don’t have to justify why we think something is dope. Dopeness simply transcends form and function.
The Hanger Conundrum
So, at MEYVN we have two different types of hangers we use on the sales floor. One, is thicker and meant for coats, jackets, and other heavyweight tops. The other is thinner and is obviously meant for shirts, T’s and all the other types of tops we sell. That’s why the N. Hoolywood Coach Shirt fills me with anxiety whenever I look at it. I have no idea which hanger to use. Sure, the word, “shirt” is right there in the name, so you think it’d be obvious, but the piece definitely has some jacket-like qualities that are hard to ignore. In the Fall and Spring, it would make a dope lightweight jacket, but then again, in the Winter months it can absolutely be worn as a shirt under a coat. Should I switch the hangers as the seasons change? That’s not a practical solution at all. So, typically, we hang heavy over-shirts on shirt hangers unless they’re lined. And, this piece isn’t lined, so again, you’d think that would be the answer. But man, I see those snaps, pockets, and the gathered hem and my brain says jacket, which would mean the bigger hanger. Jeez, I’m overthinking this. I really need to chill and try to reduce stress in my life.
Cut ‘em Up!
The late, great Mitch Headberg had a joke about how he thought the guys at Pringles were actually a tennis ball company, but on delivery day, instead of rubber, potatoes showed up. Pringles is a laid-back company and, so they said, “fuck it! Cut ‘em up!” Now, I assume the dudes at Needles are also laid-back. This Chore Coat is made entirely out of vintage French Sailor pants and I like to imagine that on the day fabric for this coat was supposed to show up, the factory received a shipment of vintage sailor pants instead. And since, the guys at Needles are laid-back, they were like, “fuck it! Cut ‘em up!”
Extra Life
I’m not much of a video game guy these days, but when I was a kid I had the ill Genesis game library. Golden Axe: had it. Lakers vs Celtics: had it. Forgotten Worlds: had it. I probably had like 60 games or so, because, back then I would ask my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and everyone else who was down to spend $49.99 on a gift for Genesis games each and every birthday and Chanukah. A lot of games back then were 2D side scrolling action games cause 3D was one too many D’s for early 90’s technology. In almost every one of those games there was a way to get an extra life or as we called them, a one up. This shirt is called the One Up shirt and its made of other older shirts, essentially giving them an extra life. I don’t know if that’s how the brain trust at Needles came up with the name, but it makes sense to me. And, that’s what counts.
Do You Like My Armchair?
Jim Henson is my hero. Straight up. Dude had endless imagination and did so much to make the world a better place. From the teachings of Sesame Street, to the puns of The Muppets, to the adventurous spirit of Labyrinth, and the imagination in Muppet Babies—Jim was there for me throughout my childhood. And what’s crazy is, as I got older, I just appreciate him more and more. I’ve found new humor in his work, like in The Muppet Movie—quick puns that verge on dirty and pop culture references that no kid would catch. A lot of Jim’s early work used puppets, but was macabre and weird and aimed squarely at an adult audience. There’s a great pre-Muppets sketch where an Alfred Hitchcock-like puppet asks, “Do you like my armchair? It’s made out of real arms.” Granted, in the Internet age, that’s pretty tame. But in 1959 that was edgy—especially coming from the mouth of a primetime puppet. Ok, ok, ok. I need to tie this back to this insanely dope Niuhans coat. Ready? Here we go: Do you like this camel hair coat? It’s made out of real camel hair. Boom.
Following in Your Evil Father’s Footsteps
If you’ve ever had fantasies of being the misunderstood son of a Russian villain from a non-descript spy movie from the 80’s who has been sent off to a British boy’s school for a proper upbringing, while pops maniacally attempts world domination, then this is the coat for you. See, the classic toggles say English public school, but the (faux) fur collar just screams narcissistic evil leader with Putinesque levels of machismo. I imagine the scenes in the movie featuring the son in this coat would include him sneering while complaining about how dad has no time for him. All the while he’s teaching the softer English boys how to take shots of vodka and smoke unfiltered soviet cigarettes. Eventually, he realizes that he’s just like his dad as he drifts deeper and deeper into his depression and cynicism, which all comes to a head in a darkly lit scene on a rainy night where he screams at the night sky, then pulls up his fur collar to frame his angular face, symbolizing the transformation is complete.
Why You All Up in My Grill, Dog?
Houndstooth is and old school fabric—like, menswear 1.0, your grandpa’s closet old school. Yet, this scarf is anything but. First of all, it’s basically black and brown, which according to the style guidebook that spawned a generation of Tumblrs is a big no-no. Secondly, upon close inspection you realize that the pattern varies in size throughout the piece, creating an Escher-esque effect. I guess what I’m saying is this houndstooth is thoroughly modern, so much so that instead of calling it houndstooth, going forward I’m gonna refer to it as Dog’s Grill (patent pending). And, as an added bonus, if you are wearing it and someone happens to step to you in these here streets, you get to say, “Why you all up in my grill, dog?” with only the slightest hint of irony.
This Coat Is Not Teddy Ruxpin
Man, I wish this coat had a tape deck in it and could tell me stories. Then it would be better than perfect. Like, I wanna curl up with it at night as the coat lulls me to sleep with tales of its adventures. I want to hear the story of how the coat left its home of Rillonia , following an ancient map in search of magic crystals. Then the coat uses the magical powers of the crystals to defeat M.A.V.O. (the Monsters and Villains Organization) who need those very same crystals to help carry out their diabolical plans. Through this journey, the coat learns about its origins—that there once were other coats just like it, including its father. Sometimes I really miss my childhood.
The Top Two Percent
So this shirt is exactly 2% cashmere. TWO PERCENT! That’s not a lot of cashmere. Like, does that even do anything? You know what, who cares? I’m not sure if its psychosomatic via the power of suggestion or what, but for some reason, this shirt seems exceptionally soft. Now, obviously, I can’t go crediting the other 98% for this wonderful textural sensation. That just wouldn’t make sense. So, it’s gotta be the 2%, right? Maybe, what we need is a blind test. You, know, I could go around wearing the shirt and have people pet me. Then I’d ask them to describe the texture of the shirt never even hinting that it’s comprised of 2% of the softest-of-soft wools on the planet (except Vicuna—but ain’t nobody got money for that). If they describe it as soft, then I know it’s not only in my head. And, as a bonus, there’s only a slight chance I’ll get arrested walking around asking strangers to pet me.
Am I Not Turtley Enough for You?
Man, have you ever tried to get access to the Turtle Club? It’s no easy feat. Not even Pistachio Disguisey: The Master of Disguise played on the silver screen by the talented, Dana Carvey could gain access to the illustrious supper club. And, he was wearing a full turtle costume. Apparently, he wasn’t turtley enough for the Turtle Club. Now, I’m not saying these Still by Hand cable knit turtlenecks will get you past the snooty host, but it will certainly up your chances. Wearing one demonstrates confidence, a sophisticated sense of style, and the ability to pull fabric over your head in an attempt to hide from would be predators—all of the qualities the discerning host looks for at the Turtle Club.
Houston Rappers
Slim Cargo Pants is a terrible name for a rapper, but an accurate description of these Stone Island pants. Regardless, I would definitely wear them while rocking a serious grill, driving in a candy coated Cadillac through Houston, listening to “Still Tippin’.” Cause, listening to Slim Thug while wearing slim cargo pants is the kind of thing that puts a smile on my face and who are you to judge me?
Ancient Aliens is Nothing But Lies
My post hippie, Action Bronson listening, green cloud living self should love the show, Ancient Aliens, but the part of me that actually has a degree in Archaeology and believes in credible science just can’t get down with it. It’s not that some of the theories aren’t interesting, but when held up to the scientific method, they hold exactly zero water. There’s actually a great documentary that debunks each and every episode one after another. Like, take the Nazca Lines. These aren’t crazy airports for aliens. They’re all different lengths and some of them look like monkeys. You don’t need a desert sand drawing of a giant monkey to land spaceships. You also don’t need crazy technology to make lines in the Nazca desert: it’s one of the driest places on earth and making a line that’ll last hundreds of years is as easy as dragging your foot in it. So the Aran lines on this jumper look kinda like Nazca lines. Wear it and maybe aliens will try to land on your back, but probably not, cause the ancient astronaut theory is nonsense.
Ribbed For Your Pleasure
First off, this turtleneck is dope: the color, the fit, the details—all on point. But like, c’mom man. A ribbed turtleneck? The jokes just write themselves. You know what? I’m gonna take the high road here and not even go there. This sweater has some serious covert ops vibes. Imagine wearing this turtleneck while penetrating the complicated security system at Stone Island HQ where they keep all of Massimo Osti’s technological secrets. You’d be so badass, clad in army green while you abscond with the great mysteries of the entire Archivo. And, you’d probably really enjoy doing it. So, I guess you could say this jumper is indeed ribbed for your pleasure. Damnit. I just couldn’t resist.
The Last Jacket You’ll Ever Need
Sometimes something is just so good, so epic, so—dare I say—cinematic in scope that the only way I can comprehend it is in the voice of legendary movie trailer narrator, the late Don Lafontaine. Imagine: “In a world with an uncertain climate, where weather fluctuates wildly from day to day, where one second you are bombarded by hail and the next the sun is shining. A world of unpredictability and uncertainty. Ice and rain. There is one coat. The coat to end all other coats. That coat is…” Then boom! Title card with the Stone Island logo. “This Fall, from the producers of David TC fabric and the creators of cult classic, Marina, comes the Tank Shield Jacket with Detachable Down Liner. The last jacket you’ll ever need.” I mean just look at the credits below.
In Your Dreams, Kurt
The first thing you need to do in order to join a gang with Freddy Kruger, Curt Cobain, and Waldo is get yourself a signature striped sweater. Like, if you show up in a Cosby sweater or Dude-like Cowichan on initiation day, you’re not making the cut. They’ll send you right home. Now, if you arrive on day one sporting this snappy ts(s) number, even the Triple O.G.’s will have to bow down to your be-lined knitwear choices. You’d show up and Waldo would be like, “Wow, I admire the way you fit in!” and Kurt would be all moody cause it’s nicer than his grungy, short sleeve sweater. Freddy would start teasing Kurt like, “Hey Kurt, you know where you can have a sweater that nice? In your dreams!” Man, Freddy always did love his dad jokes.
Maybe Next Year, Leo
Yoooooo! This sweater is silky smooth like my man, Paul Mitchell and terrible Adam Sandler movies. The luster. The sheen. It’s as if it was knit from the shorn locks of Greek Gods. Okay, I’m getting carried away. But, it is made from an insane wool-linen-silk blend, which is why it has such a refined hand. Add in the fact that it has a quirky multi-colored fleck throughout and the perfect high-neck cut and you’ve got the winner for this winter’s best sweater. That’s right, I’m handing out awards now. Maybe next year, Leo.
Auto Level Up
Hey man, is your fleece, fleece? It is? How pedestrian. What you need is one made from crazy luxe herringbone wool with velour trim. Why do you need it? Honesty, why do you need anything? It’s base. It’s instinct. It’s an animalistic craving for insanely lit, superfluous outerwear (or layering pieces—cause c’mon, how fresh would this look under a camel topcoat?). What I’m saying is you need this piece in your life. It’s obviously practical cause you could wear it anywhere you’d normally wear your favorite Patagonia jump-off, but so much iller for all the reasons listed above (see: wool herringbone and velour trim). Purchasing this camp jacket is an auto level up in life and if I can speak frankly, you could use all the advantages you can get.
Nice Beaver
If you are somewhere around my age, and you most likely are if you find the clothing at Meyvn relatable, then you probably have fond childhood memories of watching the Naked Gun movies. And, if you don't, then you led a dark, humorless childhood and I feel sorry for you. The combination of pure absurdity, slapstick, puns, and just overall silliness has been copied many times (shout out Hot Shots! and the epic Val Kilmer flick, Top Secret), but never duplicated. I mean, from, "Hey! It's Enrico Pallazzo!" to the mere presence of O.J. Simpson post-football/pre-Bronco, it's all genius. Amidst all the silliness there was a lot of humor that went over the heads of a nine-year-old me that I could tell was funny as a kid, but wasn't sure why. One such scene involves Jane, played by the incomparable Priscilla Presley, on a ladder looking for something while Frank is below her when as she grabs a taxidermy beaver. Frank says, "Nice beaver" and Jane responds, "Thanks, I just had it stuffed." As a kid, completely over my head. These days, I think I get it. So, this coat is made from a super 160s wool which is so soft and luxurious that it supposedly mimics real beaver felt. And, when I touch it I can't help but thinking of the line from Naked Gun, which then leaves me giggling because somewhere inside me that nine-year-old comedy fan will never grow up.
The Charge of the Light Brigade
The Charge of the Light Brigade has always sounded like the name of 1970’s prog-rock album to me. Like, if I told you King Crimson had an album with that name, would you even question it? I doubt it. The Charge of the Light Brigade was not an album however, but rather a military maneuver performed by the British during the Battle of Balaclava, which sounds like someone wrestling with getting their winter head wrap off, but is actually a seminal fight in the Crimean War. The charge was led by James Brundell, the 7th Earl of Cardigan, AKA Lord Cardigan. And, Lord Cardigan sounds like the worst rapper in a post-Farnsworth Bentley hip-hop group. Actually, the garment we call a cardigan today was named after Lord Cardigan and his regiment who all wore knitted wool waistcoats. Why bring all this up? I’m not sure, but this Cardigan Coat is absolutely dope and sometimes we all want a little context.
No Butterflies Were Harmed in the Making of These Pants
Did you know butterflies’ wings get their iridescence because they are comprised of several thousands of layers of air-filled micro scales, which all reflect light like soap bubbles? Man, I’m like Bill Nye up on this site. I’m literally dropping science on all y’all. Anyway, these ts(s) pants have a bit of iridescence making the appearance reminiscent of butterfly wings. I’m sure ts(s) designer Takuji Suzuki could have attempted to make these pants out of actual butterflies cause he’s like a straight-up genius-mad-scientist in my book, but that would’ve been crazy. I mean, why would anyone make pants from actual butterfly wings? Instead, I imagine Mr. Suzuki was inspired by butterfly wings and since he develops all his own textiles, used the inspiration to come up with this blue/brown hemp-wool blended fabric that seems to almost sparkle from the right angles. What I’m saying is that you can rest assured that no butterflies were harmed in the making of these trousers.
A Slubby Simulacrum
Back in the golden era, AKA the early 90’s (here we go again) a lot of rappers wore long sleeve, knit shirts with contrasting woven collars. You might know them as Rugby shirts. Nautica, Tommy, Ralph—whatever your flavor, they all made them. The re-appropriated preppy staple was almost as ubiquitous as tall Timbs and fishing vests on the streets of 1992 Brooklyn. Now, sociologists say that trends reappear in 20-year cycles, which is why we’re now seeing a lot of 90’s trends back in rotation. It’s also great for me, because I lived through that era and now have a semi-encyclopedic knowledge of early 90’s hip-hop fashion trends that I am more than happy to keep referencing here. But, the thing with recycled trends is that when they come back they are always slightly altered, a mere simulacrum of the original. That’s why this rugby shirt is so perfect right now. Instead of the literal bright color-blocked or striped 90’s originals, you can wear this slubby, knit, monochromatic version as a subtle nod to the 90’s trend without feeling like you’re trying to relive those golden years.
WWVGW (What Would Van Gogh Wear)?
I’m gonna go ahead and file this one under “things that look like they’d be worn by a painter” right next to the Larose Beret and the Eidos Smock. I mean, I don’t have a historical references of an actual painter wearing a coat like this, but I’m going with my gut on this one. Something about the long asymmetrical silhouette and textured outer fabric just evokes a sense of a tortured creative genius who happens to express himself in oil paints. And actually, now that I think about it, I’m not really thinking about current, moody artists, but someone from days past. Someone who lived in Paris and might have cut off his ear. What I’m saying is, I can picture Van Gogh wearing this coat. And trust me, if there’s one thing we know about Van Gogh, it’s that he had great personal style. Or wait, was it the debilitating mental health issues that fueled many of his masterpieces? Painters.
Rich or Poor
My grandpa was not an overly loquacious man. He did like to whistle, hum, and sing and was known on occasion to entertain us with his exceptional spoon-playing, but words weren't his thing. He did, however, have a few gems of wisdom that the whole family really would grab onto—the most repeated being, "Rich or poor, it's good to have money." The saying became so popular that it got remixed over and over again into sayings like, "Rich or poor, it's good to have chicken" (we ate a lot of chicken, so imagine the implied sarcasm) and "Rich or poor, it's good to have a white shirt." Now, this ts(s) shirt is a plain blue oxford, not a white shirt, yet another staple in any well-appointed man's wardrobe. And, from the extra soft Supima cotton used to the indigo dye, it's clear that this is no basic rendition. Therefore, even if you already have a blue oxford in your closet, it couldn't hurt to have another. Because, "Rich or poor, it's good to have a blue oxford shirt." Grandpa would be so proud.
A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean
I don’t really mess with Jimmy Buffett. I’m not really a fan of his music, I don’t understand parrotheads, and it’s overall just not my thing. Don’t get me wrong—I like some incredibly polarizing music (you may have noticed both Grateful Dead and Phish references amongst the mostly 90’s hip-hop ramblings), but Buffet’s particular charm has always escaped me. That being said, as soon as I saw this shirt, the first thing that popped into my head was the phrase, “A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean,” which for those unfamiliar, is the title to our boy Jimmy’s third studio album. I guess the Key West crooner’s earworms managed to crawl into my head after all. Damnit.
Cuban Boxing
Cuban boxers are amongst the best in the world. The vast majority of them spend their entire careers as amateurs, only showing glimpses of their brilliance at global amateur events like, the Olympics. Sometimes the boxers defect, though and find themselves competing as serious prize fighters. Some go on to win belts and titles, some never quite pan out, but almost all of them posses a technical mastery and a slickness that only comes from years of amateur rounds. Take Yuriorkis Gamboa for example. He’s an Olympic gold medalist who posses unbelievable natural speed and technical ability. As a pro, he’s managed to out-skill all of his opponents save for pound-for-pound number one competitor, Terrance Crawford. This is the Gamboa jacket and although its not named after the boxer, it’s every bit a slick as his ring style.
Straightforward Blurbs
Tropical wool is one of those things that just sound wrong. It’s not exactly an oxymoron, but it’s certainly an odd pairing of words to the average, non-sartorial ears. Truth be told, tropical wool is dope—it wicks sweat, it won’t wrinkle as much as linen, and it drapes beautifully. These pants are made from tropical wool and are really, really nice. They are so nice, that I’m actually just writing a post about how nice they are with no weird tangents, rap allusions, or fantasies.
Raglan Sleeves Are the Bee’s Knees
Raglan sleeves are just the bee’s knees. For real, shoulder seams just seem mad prescriptive and bossy. Like, I’m not gonna let some garment determine exactly how far from my neck my shoulders should be, you know? They are where they are and they’re not gonna just conform to some shirt’s idea of proportion. It’s so frustrating. This shirt gets it.
Stereotyping People Who Wear Drug Rugs
Poncho. Drug Rug. Baja Hoodie. What would you call this piece? AKOG calls it the Morro Pullover Jacket, but it’s not really a jacket, is it? Eh. Semantics. Personally, I’d wear this piece—whatever you wanna call it—with some loose, cropped pants, running sneakers, and a bucket hat. Be that as it may, if you walked in here with some Birks, a set of Devil Sticks, and bleach blonde locks, I wouldn’t hesitate pointing you towards the Morro. I mean, you might say I’m stereotyping, but I’d prefer to think that I’m just making educated calculations based on my combined experience as a retail sales person and former tour kid.
Make it Rain
I would totally wear this jacket to an early 2000’s video shoot at a strip club in Atlanta. First off, it’s super lightweight and breathable, so it would be perfect for those hot ATL nights. Second, it’s fresh, and you know you gotta be fresh when you step up into Magic City. But most importantly, it’s waterproof, which is perfect cause those guys back then were always talking about making it rain. And frankly, nobody at the club is having fun if their clothing is soaking wet from inclement weather. Wait. Did I miss something?
No Input Detected
This salt and pepper fabric looks a lot like what your TV screen when you have no reception, aka snow. Sometimes, the static-filled screen might be accompanied by a message along the lines of, “No input detected,” which makes sense on your TV screen, but is a really way too strong message for a pair of shorts to make.
Status Pockets
If pocket quantity was a measurement of status, wearing the Porto Novo Shirt Jacket would make you the man. People would whisper to each other as you walked down the street like, “Oh damn, his pocket game is mad strong” or “That guy’s got places to put everything—I gotta get with him” or simply, “Who is that? He must be important.” I mean, sure, the world doesn’t really work like that, but could you imagine if it did?
End-to-End Bangers
This take on AKOG’s Praia Shirt is done in a light blue mélange. Mélange is a really fancy word for blend or mixture, but this shirt is 100% cotton. So, I ask you: What’s being mixed? I’m not gonna argue with the guys at AKOG though. They’re use of specialized fabrics and mills is pretty much unmatched. Like seriously, go through all the pieces here and look at all the fabric descriptions. They’re all amazing. It’s like if a musician dropped and album that was nothing but end-to-end bangers. You know how rare that is?
Swing Batta Batta Batta Batta Batta Swing
This shirt looks a lot like a baseball jersey to me, which got me thinking about how baseball jerseys were hot in the early 90’s, which, in turn, made me think of the song, “Come Baby Come” by K7. Not only does he spit the phrase, “Swing batta batta batta batta batta swing” while using baseball terminology as a metaphor for his sexual prowess, but he actually hosts a softball game while wearing a jersey in the video, which takes place in Rockaway Beach, which is where I grew up. I remember seeing the video when I was like thirteen and thinking, “Damn, that’s right up the block from my house” and that I played softball there too. It’s good to feel connected to stuff.
Dressing Like a Wise Guy Cliché
So, this shirt is called the Sal Shirt and I don’t get it. There’s nothing Sal about it. See, to me Sal is a guy from Howard Beach Queens who wears a Sergio Tacchini warm up suit, with white running sneakers, and a small, but obvious, gold chain. Sal definitely doesn’t wear indigo band collar shirts made from German seersucker. A guy named Andrea might wear this shirt though. Sure he’s Italian too, but he’s from the Tremiti Islands and spends his day laying in the sun and sipping good wine.
Do You, Homie
You ever notice how some people are really adamant about their fly closures? Like, some people will only wear a button fly. Others insist on zippers. And it’s not just a preference. There are some people who won’t buy a pair of jeans that are otherwise perfect because the closure is wrong. Now, I’m not here to judge. We all have our certain predilections, so do you, homie. But, I wonder if people’s stance in the case of zipper v button affects their shirting choices too? What’s my position on all of this? I only wear button fly pants with zip front shirts, which can be challenging due to the lack of good zip shirts on the market. Good thing AKOG has my back.
Too Lazy to Delete
I’m pretty sure that this shirt isn’t named after the rap legend and one half of the groundbreaking group, Gangstarr, Guru. Guru was a dope MC with a smooth monotone flow that felt at home against Premo’s jazzy beats even as the rest of NYC hip-hop was focused on passionate shouting and boasting. I suppose the MC and the shirt do have a few things in common: they’re both laid back, sophisticated, and on point. So there’s that. Regardless of your feelings on the Boston to BK smooth operator, you should still check out his eponymous shirt. It’s got tiny eyelet like perforations, which are so next level that I probably should have jut wrote about them, but I don’t really feel like deleting what I already wrote.
Shortcuts to Laid Back Sophistication
Double breasted cardigans are dope because they represent a type of laid back sophistication that only comes from a true understanding of self possibly attained by world travel and successful entrepreneurial endeavors. You know, the kind of guy who the Dos Equis is trying to hard to pretend to be. Most of us will never be that guy, but who knows, maybe you’ll by this sweater and the other pieces will just fall into place.
Rub it on My Belly Like Guava Jelly
I love the color of this sweater. It kind of reminds me of guava jelly. I mean not really, but as I type this, the Johnny Nash version of the song, “Guava Jelly” is playing in the background. Johnny Nash was an interesting dude. He was originally from Houston, TX and started a record label in NY. But, it wasn’t until 1968 when he went to Jamaica that his whole career took off. There he met a struggling artist named, Bob Marley who wound up writing four songs for Nash’s 1972 hit record, I Can See Clearly Now including the aforementioned, Guava Jelly. He also went on to sign Marley and his group, The Wailers to his NY record label, but they never really amounted to much.
These Pants are Easy
Not a lot of things in life are easy. Work is hard. Responsibility is hard. Working out and staying in shape is hard. Marriage is really hard. Relationships in general are hard. That’s why your pants need to be easy. And, these Camoshita Easy Pants are exactly what they say they are: easy.
100% Dedication
I think its safe to say that a good deal of us aspire to the type of life where we can spend our summers draped in linen. The type of life where everything is perfectly loose, wrinkled, and askew, yet incredibly sophisticated. The thing is, most people might go for linen pants and button ups, maybe even a blazer, but still stick to cotton when it comes to their jersey pieces. That’s not a full commitment to the lifestyle and frankly, its hard for me to respect anything less the 100% dedication. That’s why you need the Camoshita henley. Its 100% linen jersey, meaning now your jersey composition can finally match your level of commitment.
Portmanteaus are Fantabulous
I’m gonna go ahead and call this shirt jacket a shacket cause I think portmanteaus are fantabulous. And shakets are the best sartorial portmanteaus if you ask me. You can keep your skorts, jorts, and jeggings thank you very much. Personally, I’d wear this while watching my favorite mockumentary biopic about fictional blaxpoitation movies of the 70’s before realizing I was hangry from a lack of food. Me and my labradoodle would walk to the kitchen to grab some leftover brunch consisting of terducken sausage, a broccoflower omelet, and a cronut. I’d eat it with a spork and head back to the sofa only to realize the first film was over. Great—now I have to decide whether to watch Sharknado, a thoughtful dramedy, or a good, old-fashioned sitcom. Ok, I’ll stop now.
Candy Coated Raindrops
Have you ever loved a shirt so much you thought you’d die? Yeah, me neither. But, I do really like this shirt. You know what else I like? 90’s soul groups that were backed by Money Earnin’ Mount Vernon’s very own Heavy D. I know the Overweight Lover tended to make earnest music with slightly corny messages, but Mr. Big Stuff could really spit and dance. He was a 344 lb. Roger-Rabbiting-double-time-flow dynamo. So yeah, this EG shirt takes me back to Heavy D and Soul For Real’s big hit, “Candy Rain.” Not because they would ever wear this shirt, but because every time I look at it, for some reason, I think of candy coated raindrops.
Stay Cool and Meet People
How many times have you worn your favorite piece of outerwear to a bar and, as fly as you look, you know you need to take it off? The problem is, you don’t trust letting it out of your sight. I mean, you could be at some fancy pseudo-speakeasy where they have a coat check, but chances are you blew all your money on the ill coat you’re wearing, so, instead, you’re at the local dive bar hoping someone notices how amazing you look in your new purchase. But, as the bar fills up you start getting a little sweaty. Not a good look, fam. but have no fear, EG has you covered. The Type 51 Parka has built-in shoulder straps so you can slide this bad boy off and wear it like some sort of cape/backpack/parka hybrid. Not only has your outerwear helped you avoid looking like a hot mess, but it’s also transformed from a subtle flex to an obvious conversation starter.
Terrible Jokes
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “Really? You’ve got a drink named Irving?” Ok, that was terrible, but whatever. This shirt is called the Irving Shirt and I’m the one writing this blurb, so you have to deal with it. As for the shirt, it’s a collarless popover with two chest pockets. So, basically, it’s super dope and hopefully its sheer awesomeness makes up for my awful sense of humor.
There’re No Losers in the World of EG
I mean, I guess this is sort of a vest in the same sense that basketball jerseys are vests. Like, vests, basketball jerseys, and this EG piece are all technically sleeveless, which, I suppose, is the main criteria to be considered a vest. Honestly, I’d call it a tank top. Regardless of nomenclature, this piece has me wondering what it would be like to play on a basketball team with Daiki and the EG crew. I’m imagining Solids vs. Stripes, but both teams are rocking mismatched sneakers and single pocket ghurka shorts. The game would probably end in a low scoring tie cause everyone would be way too chill to really get competitive. Afterwards, we’d all go to Ippudo, eat big bowls of Ramen, and talk about how there are no losers in the world of EG.
Kind of Like a Bar Mitzvah, But Nothing Like a Bar Mitzvah
Stone is a cooler name for khaki than khaki. Khaki makes me think of dads on weekends and business casual. Stone makes me think of herbal self-medication and Sharon Stone, who makes me think of Basic Instinct, which in turn, makes me think of the moment in a young man’s life when he becomes a man. Kind of like a Bar Mitzvah, but nothing like a Bar Mitzvah.
Harris Wharf Makes Me Feel Fine
Let me start by saying that Seals & Crofts have never been a good band. They were never cool or edgy or even musically progressive in any way, shape, or form. That being said, the little two bar intro on their one big pop hit, Summer Breeze is undeniably dope. I’m genuinely surprised it hasn’t been sampled more or at least on a bigger hit (according to whosampledit.com it’s been sampled 14 times, but never on a real banger—sorry Wiz Khalifa). Anyway, this Harris Wharf jacket gives me the same sort of feels that the intro line gives me. They’re both loose, breezy, and kind of perfect on a summer day when you just want to kick it without a care in the world.
Really, Really Comfortable
Growing up, I had a friend who would only wear hiking pants. You know the kind—the quick drying, cargo pocketed, elastic wasted, super baggy pants that every affluent dad owns for when he goes on vacation. Anyway, my friend would wear these pants every day. One day in his North Face joints, the next in the Ex Officios. His reason: they were mad comfortable. Needless to say, we’d constantly made fun of him and his complete lack of style cause you know, friends. That’s why it’s hard for me to admit just how much I love these Needles pants. I mean, sure, they fit perfectly and have unique ergonomic seam that allows the pants to curve with your leg. And, the angled hidden pockets are so minimal and clean. But, at the end of the day, they’re basically really nice hiking pants. And, yeah, my friend was right: they’re really, really comfortable.
I’m Not, Not Licking Toads
Frog closures have been around for a long, long time and can be seen in multiple cultures. Sometime they’re functional, as in the case of this Needles shirt, but other times they’re purely ornamental. In that case it’s typically referred to as frogging. To me, frogging sound like the slang term for experiencing hallucinations from licking toads whose poison can induce psychoactive effects. And, I know these trippy toads exist cause I can site at least two distinct TV shows that reference them. The first one is a Vice documentary where a really skinny, stringy haired, white guy goes into the Amazon, burns himself, and then puts frog secretions in the open wounds. The other example is from, The Simpsons when homer becomes casino kingpin of a tropical island and licks his favorite toad to zone out on phone calls home. And, The Simpsons don’t lie.
Carlton’s Closet
Man, Carlton on The Fresh Prince had so many terribly awesome bright colored button ups. He had ones from Polo, ones from Chaps, ones from Tommy, and several from indeterminable origin. Some of the shirts were kinda fresh even if most of them were way over the top and tacky. Recreating his shirt collection would be an incredibly expensive and bizarre thing to do. But, hey, do you homie. However, instead of filling up your entire closet with preppy pastel pieces may I suggest just buying one these Needles Rebuild shirts? It’s way less of a financial and spatial commitment and you’re pretty much getting all of Carlton’s closet in a single shirt.
Oh Needles
The kids over at Needles sure are wacky. Let me tell you. First of all, they’re out here promoting M41 jackets, which are basically the military khaki cousin to the classic leather perfecto jacket worn by every wannabe bad ass ever. That’s a pretty quirky silhouette to make part of your collection and if it were any other brand, I’d imagine they’d stop there. But oh no, not Needles. Needles was like, “you know what? Let’s make these jackets out of vintage military field chinos! That way no two are the same! Plus, making jackets out of pants just sounds like fun!” Oh Needles, you guys are so crazy.
There’s Only One Man Who Would Dare Give Me the Raspberry
So follow me here: Niuhans designer, Daisuke Hamada has been known to use botanical dies in his collections. He’s used pine needles, beet juice, and even acorns to achieve rich colors that help add to the extra-dopeness of his pieces. This season he used a bunch of flowers and berries including blackberries to develop his bright Spring pallet. However, although this sweater mimics one of the botanically died pieces (the one died with actual blackberries), it is not in fact, botanically died. Still with me? Word. So, this short sleeve sweater, which is basically the illest t-shirt of all time, is my jam. And, it’s also more or less the color of raspberry jam. And, because my mind is a mix of 80’s and 90’s movie references and bad puns, as soon as berry and jam are mentioned I can’t help but start quoting Spaceballs. I guess what I’m trying to say, in the most long-winded, convoluted way possible, is that Daisuke Hamada is the only man who would dare give me the raspberry. And, I’m okay with that.
The Total Package
I know the word pansy, which is tonally embroidered on the lower part of this shirt, refers to the flower, which was used as a botanical dye and helps to achieve an amazingly vibrant shade of purplish-blue. But, the unintentionally comical result of having the word pansy embroidered on your shirt is just too funny to overlook. I’d like to think that designer, Daisuke Hamada was fully aware of the double meaning and let it go anyway. You know how women always say that it doesn’t matter how good-looking a guy is as long as he has a great sense of humor? Well, this shirt is like the guy who is incredibly good looking and has a great sense of humor. It’s the total package.
Land of Milk and Honey
These days, incredibly intricate cocktails made with top-shelf alcohol and fresh squeezed juices by a knowledgeable and passionate mixologist at a retro inspired pseudo speakeasy is old news. There’s a place like that in every city. But, in the beginning—you know, like 1999—there was just Sasha Petraske and Milk & Honey. Milk & Honey occupied a tiny underground space on Eldridge St. on NYC’s lower east side and the only marking at the entrance was a small security camera. The only way to gain access was to make a reservation by phone—only you had to have the number, which changed regularly. The only way to get the number was to be on their list. The host would call you to give you the new number whenever it changed. And, once you were in, there was a strict dress and etiquette code. But it wasn’t all concept and exclusivity—the drinks served there were a revelation. Nobody was putting this type of thought into cocktails back then. I could continue to wax poetic about a place that changed the way I, and many other people think about drinking, but I’ll just leave you with this: Seersucker, which this Niuhans jacket is made from, is actually Persian for milk and honey and if I owned it back at the beginning of the millennium, I would have worn it to the tiny speakeasy Eldridge.
You Can’t Please All the Shapes All the Time
Suit separates are an interesting concept. In theory, they make sense because not everyone is proportioned perfectly. Sure, some people are built like squares and rectangles, but others of us are built like triangles, both upside down and right-side up. Unfortunately, if triangle man buys the XL pants and the S jacket, little rectangle man is screwed when he wants to buy both pieces in S and you’ve already sold out of the jacket in his size. Then again, even though rectangle man is disappointed, triangle man is thrilled. And, realistically, you can’t please all the shapes all the time. Plus, maybe rectangle man will buy the pants anyway, just because they really are that nice.
My Neck, My Back, and Stephen Dorff
Once upon a time in Soho (like way back in the early 2000’s), my best friend and I would hang out in the lobby of the Mercer Hotel. Although we weren’t technically guests or VIPs, we worked at one of the local boutiques and, as a result, had become fixtures in the neighborhood and friendly with the staff at the Mercer. So, basically, they let us kick it and feel more important than our broke 20-year-old selves really were. I remember, one time, we were sitting on the couches getting kinda drunk and Stephen Dorff and his posse were sitting across from us. We all started talking and he mentioned that he had this song stuck in his head that went, “My neck, my back…” well, you know how it goes. My buddy grabbed his first generation iPod and pulled up the song, which led to a pretty dirty group sing-along. Keep in mind, this was like back in the days of Friendster, so nobody was worried about this showing up on the internet (which I suppose is an ironic point to bring up considering I’m writing this for the internet). Good times. So yeah, this T-shirt is super lux and essentially perfect. Plus, it’s mercerized, which is a process that increases the strength and luster of the fabric as well as a word that makes me think of absurd memories from simpler times.
Tiny Boxers
Americans seem to only care about heavyweight boxers. Frankly, I think heavyweight fights post-Tyson-in-his-prime are pretty boring. I mean, maybe Deontay Wilder’s got what it takes, but that’s yet to be determined. Ever watch a really good lower weight class fight? Like Sugar Ray Leonard light? Now that can be entertaining. Sure, the smaller guys don’t all have the same brain damaging one-punch power, but I’m cool with that. I don’t need to see people leaving in a stretcher. What I do want to see is two technically excellent boxers with exceptional hand speed and footwork go toe-to-toe for twelve rounds. That’s where you really get your money’s worth. You know where else you get your money’s worth?—this super lightweight raincoat from Niuhans. I mean, yeah, it doesn’t have the one punch flexing power of some of its winter-weight counterparts, but the waterproof-lightweight-indigo combo can grab my Pay-Per-View dollars any day.
Stand Out without Standing Out
Ahhh…the classic blue OCBD. According to every #menswear tumblr from 2012, all men should own at least one. You can wear it with raw denim, flat front slim chinos, or even under your blue blazer. It’s the perfect utility shirt. But, don’t you want to stand out from the crowd? I mean, as a result of the explosion of Internet men’s fashion advice, virtually every guy on the planet owns a blue OCBD. And, that’s not a bad thing. I’m glad guys are dressing better. But what if your OCBD was dip dyed with real indigo and contained all the little quirks and inconsistencies that come from said process? You could still feel safe in knowing your shirt is classic staple for the “well-dressed” man, but is also different enough make you feel like a confidant individual. You could stand out without standing out.
Perfectly Imperfect
You know what sucks? Perfection. Seriously, it’s boring. But like, what if you redefine perfect and only start considering things perfect when they show signs of imperfection? In fact, the very presence of imperfections is what winds up making the item in question a candidate to be considered perfect. What if what I’m saying is just a bunch of pseudo intellectual nonsense? That’s probably the case, but whatever, this shirt is perfect with all of its irregularities and imperfections.
Nerdy Ideals
Is nerd chic still a thing? Or did it just morph to norm core? Then again, that’s pretty much dead too. So, what’s the name for the current wave of re-appropriating either traditionally bland or swagless clothes? The most currentest (yeah I know, not a real word) wave of adapting the typically mundane features oversized sweatshirts with international package delivery service logos emblazoned on the front—but that’s not really what I’m talking about either. What I’m talking about is wearing the kind of shirt that begs for a pocket protector, but still some how is a flex. This Niuhans shirt is ideal for that. It’s got the simple plain blue short sleeve button up thing going on, which is perfect for 1980’s sitcom nerd stereotypes, and its also is made from Japanese selvedge denim, which is perfect for current denim nerds. But somehow, rather than feeling overly nerdy, it winds up being an example of beautiful indigo minimalism, which is perfect for MEYVN.
Trying to Never Talk to a Another Human Being Ever Again
When it comes to t-shirts I like all my seams to show. That’s why this NSF joint is so fresh. It’s the opposite of how I like to order my food. I like that to be Seamless. Actually, I don’t really use Seamless—typically I use Grub Hub, although these days I’m not really feeling their new user interface so I’m mostly using Caviar. Regardless of which click-and-order food delivery app you use, I think we can all agree that when you’re in the state of mind that has you ordering $50 worth of Chinese food or tacos at midnight, the last thing you wanna do is have a conversation over the phone with someone trying to take your order.
Cop These Shorts Before Cuba Looses Its Charm
These are the Castro Shorts, but frankly, I can’t picture our bearded, cigar chomping island neighbor, Fidel wearing them. I mean, in every image of the infamous leader he’s wearing army green from head to toe. Okay, so back in the day you might catch him in the ill black army beret, but never in indigo cut-off shorts. I will say this though: now that travel to Cuba is becoming a relatively easy reality for Americans, I’m gonna need some breezy summer shorts to rock with a straw hat while I kick it on the beach surrounded by pastel stucco buildings and 1950’s automobiles. And, these NSF joints are perfect. But honestly, you better cop these shorts soon, before Cuba just becomes another tropical tourist trap.
Hey Yo! What’s Up? Where’s My Theme Music?
When I first saw this NSF shirt, I misread the name of the interesting indigo ikat dye wash as “Cooper” instead of “Copper,” which made me think the pattern could have been inspired by Mark Curry, the star of ABC’s hit 1990’s sitcom, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper. Although the show took place in the Bay Area and Curry had a real life, short-lived NBA career, as far as I know, there is no relation to current NBA phenom, Steph Curry. The show did, however, co-star the kid form Nickelodeon’s Wild and Crazy Kids as well as Holly Robinson Peete, who was in 21 Jump Street with Johhny Depp, who was in Black Mass with Kevin Bacon. So, I just connected to Mark Curry to Kevin Bacon in four steps. I guess you have to drink.
I Know I Can’t Afford to Stop
Take a trip with me back to 1999. The world was a more innocent place—email was new and exciting, social media didn’t exist, and the US wasn’t technically involved in any wars. Cher’s “Believe” was the number one Billboard single, Brittany Spears was a fresh faced emerging pop star, and Will Smith had the top rap record with, “Wild Wild West.” In response to all the upbeat pop music and glossy rap on the radio we had the one of the biggest years in underground hip-hop too, including Mos Def’s break out solo album, Black on Both Sides. For an underground album, it featured a ton of great singles, none bigger than “Ms. Fat Booty,” a song about finally hooking up with the gorgeous woman that Mos had been seeing around, spending all this time with her, only to find out one morning that she wasn’t down for the commitment. Basically, it was the original ghosting story. See, Ms. Fat Booty was into “cats with big thangs” such as “Jewels chip, money clip, phone flip, the six range.” Another big thang is the plaid on this shirt. I’m glad Mos wasn’t wearing this shirt though, because maybe Ms. Fat Booty would have actually noticed him earlier and then, we wouldn’t have had one of the best underground hip-hop records of all time. The song would have been like a hook and half a verse, which is way too short.
The Professor and the Madman
I’m gonna nerd out here for a minute. There’s a wonderful book, The Professor and the Madman that tells the story of how the Oxford English Dictionary came into being. The professor part is certainly interesting, but the madman side is where things get really good. Without giving too much away, basically, the main contributor to the OED was an American Civil War surgeon locked up in England while suffering from Schizophrenia and intense hallucinations. I mean, the guy actually chopped off a certain appendage so that evil dwarves wouldn’t steal it. No joke. So, this shirt it made from a pastiche of Oxford Cloth, which is named after Oxford University, and really has very little to do with the story above other than that the dictionary and the fabric both refer to the school. It’s amazing what you can learn on a menswear retail site
Dressing Like the Illest Scarecrow
I want to start dressing like the illest scarecrow of all time. Like, a big floppy hat, long stringy hair, a pipe in the corner of my mouth, and indigo patchwork everything. There’s something about that bucolic life that just keeps calling my name. I mean, in truth, I’m more of a city kid. And I’m not really trying to farm or, you know, do actual hard labor. But, man, that scarecrow life just sounds so chill—just kicking it in a field all day with the sun shining and not a care in the world (well, except crows, but I’d be so chill that the birds would just respect my chill levels and never even bother me—I wouldn’t even have to scare them). I feel like these shorts might just be the first step in achieving one of my many life goals.
Tiki Shirts
I’m a fan of a damn good Tiki drink and I’m not afraid to admit it. I know I’m supposed to only drink Scotch and Bourbon or some really bitter medicinal tasting cocktails from another era—and don’t get me wrong, I really like those things too—but sometimes you need to brighten up your life and drink something with a banana carved into a dolphin sticking out of it. The thing with a well balanced Tiki drink is that it takes a whole bunch of crazy loud and strong over the top ingredients and turns them into something so delicious that you don’t realize just how fall-off-your-bar-stool-drunk you are until its too late. It winds up being something more balanced and tasteful than just the sum of its parts. This shirt is a lot like a perfectly balanced Tiki drink. It’s got a bunch of really loud tropical looking parts placed all together in a way that shouldn’t work, but ultimately looks awesome on a level that just one of the parts on its own could never achieve.
Ain’t No Half Steppin’
There’s a strong debate raging over the etymology of the term, “Polka.” Some scholars believe that it refers the polish word, “Polka” which means, “Polish Woman”. However, others contest that it is derived from the Czech word, “Pulka,” meaning “half” which would make sense because the Polka Dance is actually Bohemian and consists over several half steps. I tend to like the latter explanation. And, if you follow the logic I’m using here, you could actually reinterpret Biggie’s line about Kwame as a reexamination of Big Daddy Kane’s, “Ain’t No half Steppin’.” It might just be the smartest nod to his Brooklyn rap roots that Biggie ever dropped.
Non-Didactic Product Names
Some brands give their garments weird esoteric names that function as nonsensical inside jokes or references to their pets’ names or something like that. Other companies call it like it is. Take Sage de Cret for example. This is called the Collarless Coat. And, you know what? That’s exactly what it is. But, it’s also so much more. Just look at the insane list of details below. I suppose calling it the “Collarless-slanted-snap-down-flap-pockets-gathered-back-waist-detail-adjustable-fishtail-hem-coat” would just be crazy. So yeah, I really like this coat, but I guess I’ll stick to calling it the Collarless Coat. Or, I suppose I could start calling it, “The Islay Coat”, which is my dog’s name and I really like her too.
Fixing the World One Article of Clothing at a Time
When I first saw these shorts on the rack at showroom last year, I have to admit, I didn’t think I liked them. Maybe they were trying too hard with the cut or maybe it was the fabric—I don’t know. For whatever reason, they just didn’t initially float my boat. But, I’m a big fan of Sage de Cret and so I took a leap and tried them on. Fast forward to when I placed orders for the season and I found myself placing a personal order for a pair in my size. I’m pretty sure that they are going to be my go to warm weather bottoms this summer. Something about the way they looked when I tried them on just won me over. I’d like to think that whenever I wear them, I’ll be reminded to not be so judgmental, which is a good thing. In fact, maybe if we all wear some Sage de Cret Jodphur Cropped Pants we’ll stop judging one another and the world will be a better place. Probably not, but the only way we’ll know for sure is you guys buy them and try.
How to be Different, but Delightful
Tonal patchwork is so dope because it makes you look subtly eccentric. Whereas full blown patchwork in the wrong hands can look like a human quilt and a bit schizophrenic, tonal patchwork projects the kind of guy who can take ideas from disparate sources and synthesize them into one coherent thought. It’s the kind of guy who you can have a deep conversation with at a party, who will hit you with some ideas that completely flip the way you see things, and all the while never seem preachy or draining. The other partygoers will be asking the host, “Who’s your friend in the tonal patchwork shirt? He’s so different, but absolutely delightful!”
A True Underdog Story
Remember when Ben Stiller could do no wrong? There was a solid period between say 1998 and 2004 where my guy dropped comedy gem after comedy gem. Zoolander? Epic. Something About Mary? Classic. Stiller managed to play over the top caricatures of extreme archetypes that somehow still had substance. Closing out that championship run was 2004’s Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, an absurd look at the world of competitive dogeball (which launched the entire film genre of sports comedy that Will Ferrell basically owned thereafter). Long story short, there was a character in Dodgeball played by the illustrious, Rip Torn-named, Patches O’Houlihan and when I look at this Sage T, both the names Rip Torn and Patches O’Houlihan come to mind for obvious reasons. Cause remember, “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!” Words to live by.
So Good, I Don’t Need to be Clever
As I sat down to write this little description, my mind started to bounce around all the different clever pop culture references and tangents I could go on for the word ghost. It’s a shell jacket, so I figured I could write about, “Ghost in the Shell”. But, I don’t really know anything about Anime, so I let the obvious one go. I moved on to “Ghost Ride the Whip,” which, although Hyphy had a moment in the early aughts (side bar: I hate the term “aughts”—it just sounds so forced) and E-40 is unequivocally an OG, there was no real link to this Stone piece. “What about the modern phenomenon of ‘Ghosting?’” I thought. Well, I’m married and have been with the same insanely supportive, loving woman for over a decade now. So again, I’d have been in unfamiliar territory. You know what? Let’s just settle on saying this jacket is really amazing. The fabric, the construction, the functionality, and the styling are all spot on. It’s the perfect weatherproof, urban shell. It’s so good, that I don’t need be clever.
The Soft Opening of Outerwear
I’ve got a lot of friends in the restaurant industry. Some of them are chefs, others bar tenders, others owners. What they all have in common is that they are all endlessly creative oddballs that know how to live life to the fullest. One thing about restaurants that I always find interesting is the idea of a soft opening. Its like, yeah, we’re open, but not really. We want all the advantages of being open, like customers and money, but none of the accountability. This jacket is sort of like a soft opening. You can unzip it and have the chill vibe of a person who is too laid back to bother with zippers, but you can keep the internal placket snapped for protection from the elements. So your coat is open, but not really. It’s sort of like Jay-Z and R Kelly: the best of both worlds. Come to think of it, that would have been a better tangent to take this on. Then again, any time you mention Kells it becomes a polarizing conversation. So, yeah, I’ll stick with the restaurant soft opening story.
A Lullaby the Breezes Whisper
You ever wonder where companies get the name for their garments? Take the Tela Jacket from Stone Island, for example. I’m guessing they picked a name that just sounded cool or something. I mean, Tela has a nice ring to it. But, my inner-hippie-college-Phish-head would like to think that they named it after the Jewel of Wilson’s foul domain. Possibly, because this jacket is like the lullaby the breezes whisper. And, because of its construction it will keep you protected from the elements, such as the wind from beyond the mountain. Is anyone still following me?
Buble in Boucle
I’m not really a fan of Michael Buble’s music. It’s cool if you’re into it, but the whole modern day crooner aimed at the daytime chardonnay crowd just ain’t my bag. Plus, from what I’ve seen, he usually appears in some sort of forced rakish tux or suit get up. Which again, is fine, but not really the MEYVN wave. I do, however, really like boucle. I suppose I would also really like to see Michael Buble in this Stone Island sweater. Not because it actually suits his personal style or musical personality, but to have the opportunity to say I’ve seen Buble in Boucle.
Girl, I’ll House You
Anyone out there remember The Jungle Brothers? I mean, as afar as Native Tongue clicks go, they seem to be the most overlooked. Like, De La and Tribe are undeniably the most impactful, but The JBs had their fair share of heat too. One song that was especially inescapable back in the day was, “I’ll House You” off their 1988 debut album, “Straight Out the Jungle.” The track is most noted because it was an early example of a cross genre hit. See, whereas the JBs were pioneers in early Afrocentric, Black hippie, jazz inflected positive hip-hop, the House music pioneer, Todd Terry produced “I’ll House You” represented something else entirely. It was collaboration and a certified club banger that had both dance music and hip-hop crowds shaking their stuff. So, this shirt is called the House Shirt and the name alone has got me thinking about that old party jam. But, now that I think of it, I could imagine Afrika Baby Bam actually rocking this shirt, too. So, this tangent actually works on multiple levels.
Time
I’m not really sure why the homies over at Story call this the Time Jacket. I mean, sure, it is a vey dope take on a classic, natural indigo, oversized chore coat, but I don’t see where time comes in. Time is cool though. Like, think about how many classic songs, poems, essays, and theories are centered around the concept of time. Einstein stayed contemplating time. And The Rolling Stones had it on their side. Onyx knew when it was time to get live. And, Redman’s clock pointed to some action. I could keep doing this, but I don’t feel like wasting any more time on thinking about examples of famous people talking about time. I’m a busy man. I don’t have time for that.
Dressing Like Nepalese Soldiers
I feel like I don’t dress like especially fearless Nepalese soldiers from the early 19th century often enough. It’s just not a wave I usually channel. But, man, these shorts got me mind travelling off to the Himalayas to fight the British and their endless imperialism. Take that, Nigel!
Not Your Average Private Dick
If I was a slightly aloof and discombobulated private investigator who had a perpetually messy desk and frequently slept in my office in a mystery comedy, this would be my warm weather jacket of choice. Sure, it’s not a classic trench, but I’m not your average private dick. Why would I ever want to be that character you may be asking? That’s easy. The idea of bumbling blindly through life as I miss all the clues, yet still solving the mystery and landing the girl at the end sounds pretty appealing to me. I mean, why do things by the book or bother paying attention when everything will inevitably fall in your lap anyway?
The Favorite Child
You know how your parents say things like, “All my kids are unique, but I love them all equally,” but secretly you know they love your sister the most? That’s pretty much what it’s like running a clothing store. All the clothing in here is dope, and I absolutely love all of it. But, on the low, this shirt is your sister.
Smelling Kinda Like a Skunk
When I was in like sixth grade, my very supportive parents noticed my interest in painting, drawing, and art in general and decided to sign me up for art lessons. I was one of those kids who started drawing and making things from as young as I can remember, so I suppose it made sense that my parents wanted to nurture that. Anyway, I can’t remember the instructor’s name, but I remember he had this daughter who had this crazy free and friendly vibe and always smelled kinda like a skunk. She used to wear these patterned, oversized, long shirts and coats to paint her multicolored masterpieces in. I feel like she’d wear this ts(s) Cardigan Coat.
Bland Nomenclature
I suppose calling this a cardigan shirt is an accurate description. It’s a shirt—so, that checks out. And, it does resemble a cardigan in cut—so, that’s not wrong either. But for some reason, that bland, yet descriptive nomenclature just doesn’t really do the sheer levels of freshness this shirt possesses justice. The simple, yet different appearance combined with custom Japanese cotton/linen fabrication absolutely transcends its insipid taxonomy. Listen, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what it’s called, does it? Fresh is fresh and this cardigan shirt is fresh.
Inappropriate Descriptions
This shirt has a rounded V-neck, but as far as I’m concerned, a rounded V is a U. So, this shirt is a U-neck. Wait, U-neck sounds a lot like eunuch. Ummm… this whole tangent is making me uncomfortable. Man, I’ve been typing so many descriptions lately; I have no idea what’s even appropriate anymore.
Blame the Shorts
Judo is a martial art that is characterized by its use of throws. Personally, I’m more of a classic boxing guy, but if was wearing these Judo Shorts, I imagine I’d walk around throwing all sorts of things because I believe in honesty in my wardrobe. When people question me, I’d just be like, “hey man, don’t blame me—it’s the shorts,” before flipping them onto their backs.
Diametrically Opposing Pants
Sometimes I want my pants to be diametrically opposed to my worldview. That’s why I like these Narrow Pants. They can be narrow while I remain well versed in global politics, culture, and history.
NYC 90’s Rappers and Rastafarians Have Fresh Breath
So, I think for this little blurb I’m gonna go ahead and take a big left turn and refer to 90’s hip-hop style. Didn’t see that coming, did you? The thing is, these painter shorts are just begging to be worn with some wheat Timbs, no socks, a basketball jersey, and a big army bucket hat with the chin strap. Its like you put these shorts on and a Jamaican chew stick would magically appear in your mouth. Now you’ve got dope shorts on and herbal fresh breath to boot.
Whatever Floats Your Boat
Plaid, pullover, band collar, pockets, textured fabric, long silhouette—yeah, this shirt has it all. And by all, I mean everything you want in a shirt if you’re me. If you’re somebody else, and you very well may be, you might have an entirely different list of things that you find appealing in a shirt. But, hey man, whatever floats your boat.
Bad Trends and Beer Bellies
Remember how in the 80’s all the cool football players wore cropped jerseys? Come to think of it, people wore all types of cropped shirts in the 80’s. That’s not a look I’m hoping comes back any time soon. In fact, I’m gonna go on record and say that even if that trend comes back like hella hard, you still won’t catch me in it. You know what I will rock? This ts(s) take on a football jersey. It’s tonal, sophisticated, and most importantly, it covers my ever expanding gut. I mean if you’re old enough to remember bad trends from the 80’s, you’re probably old enough that your youthful 6-pack is just a distant memory.
No Excuses
This shirt has so much going for it. Club collar: check. Covered placket: check. Crazy Italian marled cotton wool fabric: check that, too. I just gave you three solid reasons why this shirt is better than any other shirt you own. There’s no excuse why you haven’t already added it to your shopping cart.
It’s Fun to Say “Urt Shirt”
Don’t by this shirt because it’s the perfect flannel popover long shirt. That would make way too much sense. Buy it because it’s fun to say “Urt Shirt” over and over again. Go ahead, try it. See?
Ninjas Running a Marathon
Remember the early days of menswear when folks had mantras like “all quilted everything.” People were trying so hard to look like rich white people lazing in the countryside. Now we all want to look like ninjas running a marathon, or a homeless Japanese fisherman, or just a blatant rip off of Kanye. I’m not sure where this shirt jacket fits into your attempts at dressing like different archetypes, but it’s quilted, indigo, and super fresh. The lesson here is to just be yourself.
The Perfect Evolution of the Classic Soccer Warm-up Jacket
Lad style is having a moment. I guess Americans got tired of continuously reexamining our own youth culture and decided to look over the pond for some inspiration. It make sense then that A Kind of Guise—which is from Germany, the birthplace of Puma and Adidas—would use soccer (which is actually a British term, not American, but that’s a whole other tangent) as the base of its AW15 collection. The Tesver is the perfect evolution of the classic soccer warm-up jacket.
The Very Strict Gender Politics of 1980’s Summer Camps
You all remember lanyard? (Some of you might remember it as boondoggle or even jumbo, but c’mon, that just sounds childish.) Back in summer camp, I had all the stiches—butterfly, box, barrel, Chinese staircase, cobra, twisted cobra; I even had the ill king cobra. My lanyard game was on point. The backing on this shirt kind of reminds me of a lanyard stitch. Well, to be honest, it actually reminds me more of macramé, but due to the very strict gender politics of 1980’s summer camps, I know very little about macramé.